


weak

by myreygn



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Crying, Iwa just needs someone to lean on, Iwaizumi has awful parents, Iwaizumi is strong, M/M, Open Ending, Sort of Happy, and it's okay, at least they're all alive, but also sort of sad, but also weak, fighting at home, maybe you'll cry, no suicide, problems at home, violence is not described in detail, which he can show to Shittykawa, you heard that?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22754911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myreygn/pseuds/myreygn
Summary: Everyone is weak sometimes, but not everyone can show it to the world.Iwaizumi Hajime is weak too and there's only one person in the universe who is allowed to see that.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 87





	weak

**Author's Note:**

> jeez, this is a bit angsty, but don't worry, everyone's alive!  
> this was inspired by this wonderful video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgzWw6hglzg  
> watch it, it's so beautiful!

Iwaizumi Hajime was strong. Very strong, if not to say incredibly strong, for there weren't many high school students who could fight an old biker with way too many tattoos and survive it without any bruises.  
He didn't even think about it any longer. It had always been this way. He was strong and that allowed those around him to be weak from time to time.

It didn't matter if it was Oikawa experiencing some bad self issues when he thought about Tobio for too long or Kunimi having a breakdown after too many hours of being with too many people.  
Iwaizumi was strong for them. He held Oikawa and let him cry onto his shoulder and snot into his chest. He talked to Kunimi through the closet door and listened to him. He was just there. And it wasn't something to think about if he should do it or not. He just did it.

It wasn't a problem to be strong. Iwaizumi was proud of being strong. It felt good to help his friends out of their problems and to see how they looked up to him, how he was the only one the Mad Dog listened to and how strangers or people from other schools and teams gulped at his sight of jumping to spike the ball over the net.

Iwaizumi liked to be strong. He was glad that he had been able to gain enough discipline, that he had been able to become this way. Not that there had been any other chance for him.

His aunt had watched some episodes of Game of Thrones with him a few years ago and he didn't remember everything, but there was one scene still stuck in his head: the queen looking at the guy who played Boromir in Lord of the Rings and saying: “When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. There's no middle ground.”

This sentence was a pretty good summary of his life at home. He had already known that when he was still a kid, but the moment he heard the sentence coming out of this woman's mouth, he fully realized it. It was dangerous there with his parents, fighting and getting mad and it was horrible but better since the day he got stronger than his father.

There were those days he woke up in the morning and felt the fight rising. He haven't slept longer than until 6am anyways in the last six or seven years, but those days were the worst. When they came, he got up as fast as possible and left the house, no matter if it was hot summer or cold winter and dark outside. He always left a short note on the fridge though – not that there was anyone in the house who would've read it.

In the early mornings he got something to eat and then he took a bus to no matter where. It was warm in them. When he reached the final station, he took the same bus back. And around 10am he went to the gym.

Not always though. Sometimes he'd wait until midday and then visit his friends, asking if he could stay at their place, pretending that he just needed help with some homework. Sometimes Makki, sometimes Mattsun. They spent a lot of their free time at home.  
But his first impulse was always Oikawa.

Iwaizumi Hajime was strong. And there was only one person in the world he could allow himself to be weak around.

_“Iwa-chan? You're in here?”_

_No. No, please, no. He shouldn't be here. Nobody should be here._

_“Iwa-chan? Are you crying?”_

_He was supposed to be alone in here. The others were outside, waiting for the bus, they were OUTSIDE …_

_“Hey, I come in, okay? I come to you.”_

_He didn't want Tooru to come closer, but the moment he felt his warmth, his arms around his shoulders, he gave in._

_“It's okay. It's okay, Hajime. It's okay.”_

Sometimes Iwaizumi remembered the good years. Those that vanished long, _long_ ago. The happy years he'd spent in a not-broken household that hadn't been the hell he was living at now. Those years were a bright, good thing to remember, but it was also painful because it would never be bright and good again.

It wasn't his fault, he knew it wasn't. But on some days, when wine wasn't enough anymore, his mother would drink some other stuff. And then she told him … things. Things about him and things about the reason she and his father fought so much.

Iwaizumi didn't know if she was one of the people who were more honest when they were drunk or more mean when they were drunk. He liked to tell himself that he didn't care but then again he caught himself hoping and praying that it wasn't true what she told him. She was his mother after all.

And sometimes it was like it had been before. She came into his room in the evening and sat down and apologized. And then she cried and he held her because he was strong and she was weak and the day after she'd scream at his father again. The day after it was over.

But those short moments were the moments that stopped him from leaving. Those few evenings which made him think that his mother and maybe his father as well would be sad if he would move out and so he came back every night and stayed until next day when the _feeling_ got him up and out of the house again.

Iwaizumi hated it. It felt like he would betray himself every time he threw his bag in the corner and yelled “I'm back!” even though no one ever gave him an answer. Like he would cause another scar on his soul just because he was weak.

It wasn't correct that Oikawa was the only person he could be weak around. Iwaizumi could also be weak when he was alone and couldn't stand the pressure anymore.

Oikawa was just the only one who could catch him before he hit the ground.

_“He told me I'm worthless.”  
“He told you shit, Iwa-chan.”_

_It wasn't funny, but he laughed. Just a bit. It felt good.  
Tooru stroke through his hair and placed a light kiss on his forehead._

_“You're a lot worth to me. I'd definitely miss something if you weren't there.”  
“He wanted to hit me. I caught his hand but he almost got me.”  
“Good. Just don't stop to stand up. It won't last forever. Soon you'll leave.”_

_He leaned onto Tooru's shoulder._

_“I don't know where to go. I don't want to live alone.”  
“Yeah? Me neither. Wow, what a coincidence! Two childhood friends who don't want to live alone and finish school at the exact same time. Hm, I wonder if they'll find a solution?”_

_He looked at his friend in disbelief, but the only thing he saw in the setter's face was pure honesty and a warm smile._

_“Are you serious?”  
“Of course! What should I do without my favorite ace yelling at me everyday?”_

_He couldn't help but sob and cry again, tears of joy this time, and Tooru patted his back and stroke his hair and held him._

_“It's okay. It's okay, Hajime. It's okay.”_

Iwaizumi didn't know what he would've done without Oikawa. Sure, he was an idiot and a jerk and annoying and silly, but he loved Shittykawa. It wouldn't be a lie to say that Oikawa Tooru was the most important person in Iwaizumi's life.

Sometimes he felt ashamed when he was crying and laying in his arms. He then thought of how this would seem to an outsider: Seijou's scary ace, a baby. A loser. And then he was worried if Oikawa saw him like this.

He didn't like these thoughts. He hid from them as well as he could, but mostly they came at night and the dark wasn't a good place to hide from a shadow. They came closer without him realizing it and then he had nightmares and got up at 4 or 5am and ran through the park until his legs and lungs exploded, tried to _escape._

These mornings were the time that made him feel especially weak. And when he was sitting under a tree in the park at 6am, Oikawa was the only one he could call. Then they talked for an hour or maybe two or three and met at the gym after that. It felt good to spike the balls. Like a relief.  
And when something broke, Oikawa was there to fix it.

Iwaizumi Hajime was strong. But he was also human. And it was easy to shatter a human into pieces. Ideally there was someone in the back to pick the pieces up and repair the broken body.  
That was okay.

_“Tooru? Am I weak?”  
“You're the strongest person I know.”  
“Look at me! I'm crying, telling you about how I feel and what's wrong!”  
“Isn't that a strength?”_

_Tooru smiled his Tooru-smile and looked deep into his eyes._

_“People break down from time to time. And the stronger they are normally, the harder it is to get up again. You got up every time. Not alone but with my help. And you know what, Hajime? It's okay.”_

Iwaizumi Hajime was weak.  
And it was okay.


End file.
